Wala lang.. naisip ko lang magsulat
Last October 2,2006 I attended the cremation mass of one of our senior officers from Far East Bank whom I respected and looked up to. His daughter, a little sister to me, was there. She was brave..I’d like to say. She did not know what to feel. Like she was numb. All I told her was "go with the flow. cry if you must! grieve! but always remember that life has to go on." Easy to say huh!!!! But that is speaking from experience.
14 years ago at about this time, I was confused, emotionally drained, physically drained and very close to breaking down (as I would like to term it). It was September 29, 1992 at about 6:45 p.m. in Dumaguete (where I was assigned then) that I found out both my parents were dying and only had a few months to live. As early as May 1992, I knew they were sick. I just did not realize how sick they were till we brought them to Manila for further check up. It was like I was also going to die with them…I cannot describe till now what I felt then.
I am the youngest in the family and I have always been with Da and Ma. When my sisters and brother left to pursue their own careers, I was left behind to take care of them putting aside my dreams. I have no regrets. I was not the perfect daughter but I know I took care of them and they were happy I was with them.
At the prodding of my officemates, I took a leave and left for Manila to be with them on my birthday. And of all birthday gifts to receive that year… my mother went into a comma on October 19…the eve of my birthday. She passed away early morning of October 31 and 12 days after, my father too passed away on November 12. I was again the one with them…till their last breath. I was devastated!!!! I was Daddy’s girl. All I remember saying over and over again at that particular moment was "Kinuha na nya ang Mommy. Bakit pati ang Daddy!" But that phase has passed now. Amidst the turmoil in my mind, I stopped going to church. YES I DID!!!! But I did not stop praying… and all I prayed for was for HIM to give me the strength to go through the crisis I was in.
14 years have passed… In the beginning, I would not go to hospitals, I would not look at funeral cars (what do you call them?), I would (if I could help it) not go to wakes, I would not look at the hospitals where they were admitted whenever I would be in Manila, I would take a leave whenever it was my birthday and cry. Many, Many times, I would talk to a friend in Mindanao and just cry over my loss. His phone bills must have made a dent on his pockets.
But time heals. Over time, I had to be with a friend when her mother was ailing to share with her what I have been through, I had to attend a funeral for my friends mother, I had to be with a friend from the time her father died till the arrangement in the funeral parlor till the day he was burried, I had to be with my cousin (my only relative here in Cebu) when her husband passed away…and so on. I smile and laugh a lot now…BUT gosssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! HOW I MISS THEM!!!!!
Now, tears roll down as I remember Da and Ma fondly. My birthday is fast approaching. I shed no tears no more on that day. I just recall with a smile on my face how Da would wake me up when I was little… lifting my feet and saying "pong pong kasili….." or how he would rub his unshaved beard in my stomach, or how he taught me how to drive… and Ma, with all the birthday cakes she made for me (she was good in baking and cooking!)…no miss! the fuss she did over me when I had fever…., how I would fall asleep watching TV and wake up in my bed, how she’d teach me how to bake and cook (now would you wonder about my size?). Oh well, such is life. Their death anniversaries are a few weeks from now. I have long ago accepted that they are gone physically and have said adieu to them. But forever, thier memories will be in my heart… till I meet them again someday.
