Betrayal? Deceit?… or what???
I dont really know what title I should put to this piece. I just felt I had to write it all down…this is a blog after all right?
Imagine yourself living in a pretty and cozy home. You are very much taken cared off and provided for. You have a lot of good times in that house. When you feel depressed or alone, the people there are at your side to cheer you up or hear you out. Nice diba????? And it’ll make you think over and over again "How am I ever going to repay these people back for everything that they are doing to me?"
….allow me to write all these in my own words…. a phase in my life that has made me grow so much.
I once stayed in a house where the people living in it were very warm and caring. They cared and provided for me to the extent that when I needed something, I would not say anything anymore.. the reason? Hiyang hiya na ako sa kanila. I practically did not spend for anything there and I could only imagine the additional expenses they had on their bills. My best friend then was my laptop and the telephone. It was 2 of the things that kept me sane….other than talking with that someone I value so much.
When left alone in the house, I would busy myself with anything I could do… basically bang
ing away on this loyal laptop of mine looking for opportunities… or cleaning or doing some laundry… talking with friends over the phone… or simply just thinking about life. If boredom sets in, I’d call for a taxi and go to the mall, see a movie or hop on a bus to take me anywhere. I have no complaints whatsoever BUT a lot of confusion within me.
There came a point in time where things changed and I started walking on eggshells. Almost everything I did had a "malicious" meaning. When I would cook…which I love doing…it was interpreted as something else. When I’d be quiet, it was because I was in some mood whatsoever. When I’d be my perky, talkative, 
funny self…. I was sort of flirting. Ang tanong ko…"saan ko ilalagay ang sarili ko?" I tried to detach myself but there were still so many things that came up and so many things I overheard which were lies and overexaggerations which left me HURT. I had no one to turn to then. I was told to go with the flow… yeh right!!!! and let all those lies go unnoticed?
To top it all, I accidentally discovered something one day. Someone and I had a feeling there was something going on. I did not want to stoop down to anyones level but then something made me look around and look at two things ….. LO and BEHOLD!!!! This is what I found!!!! 
Yes… it is what you see. A recorder!!!! Feeling ko? Nanlamig ako, nawala ang galit ko. In place of it… awang awa ako. Awang awa na humantong sya sa ganuong paraan. Kung ano man ang inisip nyang marinig duon…ewan…
Late in the evening, the recorder would be gone. This went on for a few days till one day nawala…. even the black thing that was used –> was gone. We still had a feeling the recorder was somewhere around but i never bothered anymore. I knew it was there because someone could not look at me straight in the eye. I was never confronted and I did not confront that person about it. Wellllllllllllllll….. not yet. But I did write a letter pouring out most of what I felt. I wanted to give it but was discouraged to do so. Till now at the back of my mind.. who would ever tell that person what he/she has been doing. He/She may be aware of it but no one has ever told him/her. Don’t get me wrong… I am not perfect and I did apologize also in my letter. I have been told that upon my leaving that house his/her attention will be on someone else…where another issue will come up. Wala na akong say!!!!!!
With all these that has happened I discovered something about myself……… I had patience within me (which I thought I had so little off), I was an understanding person (continuously trying to analyse why he/she was acting that way). He/She was by my side when the I was depressed, cried with me, entertained me. Mahal ko pa rin sya with everything he/she did for me during those times at tatanawin kong utang na loob habang buhay. Pero sa ngayon, di ko maubos maisip kung bakit may ibang side sa kanyang personalidad…. I am still very much HURT with all the lies that I overheard and what was said. When I will get over it I don’t know. If I will ever be able to tell him/her, I don’t know. May isang taong pumipigil sa akin na huwag kong sabihin. Hanggang kelan ko mapipigilan, di ko alam… Kung masabi ko man…patawad nalang……
